Uuuurrrrrggggghhhhh, this is so frustrating!!!!
I have been trying a new approach with Chloe and the potty. I've told her that if she'd go to the bathroom by herself without me reminding her, she could earn a princess doll. She's been really good for 5 days and had zero accidents -- all with her being in charge of going to the bathroom. I was so proud of her and gave her the Belle doll this afternoon. So how does she show her gratitude? By wetting her pants. AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! It is so frustrating! How can I get through to this girl? Yelling and spanking doesn't work. Taking toys away doesn't work. Earning rewards only works until she gets the reward. She's hard to figure out.
We put Belle back and Chloe's back to square one.
You know, the most frustrating part is that she doesn't EVER wet her pants at school or church -- NEVER. I feel like she doesn't respect me or our home when she does it here and not other places. I know that's very immature, but guess what? I feel that way.
13 comments:
Ah! I'm in basically the same spot with my 3-year-old! It's so frustrating. We'll get through it though. Somehow... Someway...
I hope it only lasts through the 3s for you...Chloe is almost 5 and we've been going through this for 2 years!!! I just don't know what to do with her.
Does Stanton have a blog?
Holy cow. I am really frustrated FOR you. Partially because I'm frustrated myself with Ellie. Sounds like I don't have nearly as good of a reason since she's much younger BUT its the same principle. She started expressing interest this time last year. Did marvelously for months in the early fall. Then we had several different transitions-going out of town many different times. EACH time she backslid. Looking back, I am certain she had one, if not two, urinary tract infections. Sorry for the details, but I wish I would have known at the time. I just had no idea until someone mentioned it to me. Obviously you have way more experience than me but could that be an issue maybe?
We also have a similar issue in that she normally does superb in public. But recently it seems like she just totally throws in the towel, even in public. GRRRR. This is NOT a cognitive thing-she gets it-and I'm sure Chloe does too. I'm sorry for you!! Please let me know if anything works!! I'd like to try it myself.
Just a shot in the dark Julie, but could she be having accidents to receive extra attention from you?
In times past, I have tried not to make a big deal about accidents. Made my kids clean them up (with supervision) and then went about our day like it didn't happen and it suddenly started happening less.
Also, I have never found much success in rewards (and believe me, I have tried!) with my boys....I now just set expectations and follow through with them.
I also think she is at an age where potty training can still be a work in progress...Cole is 4 and we still have the occasional accident also!
#1 was 5 when she started to have accidents again. She didn't think anyone "noticed" and she told me she didn't ahve time to use the potty --it was "inconvenient". I explained to her that not only was it disgusting, but EVERYONE could see her pee stains, and I was thoroughly disappointed in her because I knew she knew better.
No rewards, no yelling, and she cleaned it up herself.
I can't remember how soon it stopped, but I just know it did (holy cow, it's been almost 3 years since then!).
So, my only suggestion would to be stop talking about it. She's totally using it to get your attention. Maybe show her some positive attention without solicitaion? I know this doesn't exactly fit the scene, but when #3 was a toddler, he started getting up every night around 2AM. He had no reason to get up, he would just cry and cry until I went in there to comfort him and a friend said: "Cheryl, he's doing it because you're not paying him enough attention during the day. Do some one on one time every once in a while and see what happens."
So, I did, and within 2 days, he stopped.
Kids can't express their frustration verbally, so they do it physically. Especially in a case like this where Chloe obviously has extreme control over her ability to use the bathroom.
Anyway, sorry for the long advice column! :)
Hi. I'm Christi, Lori is my aunt, she sent me to you and your sisters pages because I have small kids too. Anyway. I liked the other sugestions, but I thought I'd share what worked with my little girl. She loves to be in control, be in charge of things. So what I did was take the panties away. If she decided (she was perfectly capable of going in the potty, she was choosing not to...) to wet her pants, she was choosing to wear a diaper. After realizing mom was serious she stopped. No more accidents-except TRUE accidents where she was trying. Good luck and I hope you find something that works. Potty training is one of the worst jobs!
I'm sorry you're struggling, it's no fun. I think you've been given some fantastic advice. Hugs to you, my friend! If it's any consolation, Emery won't go to the bathroom in public because I won't let him take off all his clothes. So he holds it.....all.....day.....long!
Oi...why do kids do this to us??? Kaylee was also DIFFICULT to train, what finally did it for her though was that she had an accident at preschool and she was embarrassed enough that she decided to stay dry from then on. She struggled at night though until about 6 months ago. She is the same about rewards and having toys taken away, she doesn't care. I guess I really don't have any advice...when Spencer would have accidents I would just keep asking, "where do big boys go potty" or "Daddy (Bradley, Spongebob, ect.) doesn't pee his pants, he pees in the potty." I don't know, that sounds cheesy. Good Luck!!!!
Oh Julie.... I'm assuming that this is not the "seriously awesome news" that you referred to in your previous post :o(
We had the same thing happen with Ethan last year and finally told him that if he was going to pee in his underwear then he would have to put on Pull-ups again. We didn't make a big deal of it, just told him matter-of-factly and left it at that. He was very upset at that thought because he didn't want to be a "baby" like his brother. So, it took a couple days, but it kicked in and has been good ever since.
And if you don't find something that works, maybe it's a matter of taking away something that she really likes doing, i.e. her tumbling classes (or whatever she's in now) or pre-school, etc. Might give her the incentive to stay dry at home, too, if she knows that she won't be able to go to those fun things. or if she wets her pants before school... mabye she just stays wet when she goes to school. That's pretty drastic, but I'm sure she wouldn't want to sit in it or be embarrased in front of her friends.
Hang in there. And I second Tricia's questions... does Stanton have his own blog now, too? Just surprised to see a comment from him.
I swear our kids are on the same wave length. Mckenna seems to follow Cannon when it comes to sleeping through the night or not, and sickness, she has an eye infection now too!
And we have started potty training Abbie, what a joy. While she is only three and I don't expect too much from her yet, her older sister, (SEVEN!!!!!), has begun having accidents again too. Talk about drive me crazy. For her, she just doesn't want to stop what she is doing. She gets up in the wilds behind our house and doesn't want to come down to use the bathroom. I would say she could go up there, but I think it would become abused and besides, I don't want to have to watch where I am walking all the time! One thing that has seemed to help, though not 100%, is she has to clean up her mess, and she really hates it. She has to throughly wash her undearwear out in the toilet, then clean the toilet. I also make sure she washes her hands with soap and water for about a minute to make sure she gets clean. We got the idea, the theory anyway, from a parenting book we love called "Love & Logic", it is a good one. It talks about letting the natural consequences teach your kids. I know it is still in print. My mom even took a class on it that they offered up in Logan a few years ago, not sure where.
Long post, sorry, but that has helped us a little!
It's me again, blog lurker. =) I can relate, my oldest son Josh was not fully potty trained until he was 4 1/2. Although sometimes he would have accidents in public and it was SO embarassing! Here is the problem...I have no magical advice. Unfortunately (just like the experts say) they will do it when they're ready. Doesn't that stink?
You know, when neither punishment nor bribery works, what's a mother to do? I just don't know.
Good luck!
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