I'm Not Wishing it Away....At Least Not Most of the Time

This has been one of "those" afternoons.  You know the ones, right?

The girls took popcorn, oranges, and carrot sticks for their home lunch.  Brigham opted to have school lunch - I don't blame him.  Chloe came home with the carrots uneaten.  She eats so very little lately...it's worrying me.  She burns so many calories between the growth spurt she's in and the 9+ hours of gymnastics she puts in per week.  She could eat every ounce of junk food she'd like and still not gain an extra pound, but I can't allow her to develop unhealthy habits.  She is becoming so picky about the healthy food, which is so frustrating.  She used to eat anything and everything happily.

Her birthday is on Sunday and I have purchased 1 gift for her.  One.


It's a gymnastics day, which means that everyone needs to run home right after school, get a snack, change, and put their laundry away...all in about 25 minutes' time.  We usually do pretty well with it.  Homework gets done on the way to the gym and the chaos dies down pretty quickly.

Lily came home and when I didn't see her homework folder in her backpack, she realized she left it at school.  Run back over.... (I am SO thankful that I don't have to drive her back over).

Chloe comes home several minutes later (she prefers to change in the bathroom at school - she gets distracted too easily at home).  She has had a potty accident in the leotard she has only been wearing for 10 minutes.  I lose it.  She had been doing so much better than a year ago, but she's still struggling with this bad habit.  I'm usually patient and kind, but today I was mean.  Mean and grumpy and rude.
Chloe came home with a headache, too, which makes her extremely emotional over my outburst.  She is curled up naked on the floor, bawling her eyes out, telling me she can't go to gym.  I am short with her.  I make her go downstairs and put on a new leo and put her laundry away while she's at it.
I really can't tell if she's too sick to go to gym.  Under ideal circumstances, I would be able to read her in an instant.  I'm too frustrated to see clearly and I've made her so insecure and emotional over her dirty leo that she can't think clearly to tell me if she's too sick to go.

Thankfully she has no homework.  We leave for gym at 4:10...it started at 4:00 and is 15 minutes away.

Brigham nearly gave Henry a concussion this morning and I'm still frustrated with him about that.  Everything he does ends up in a scolding...one that isn't deserved.

Cannon has eaten more candy than real food today.  By about a 3:1 ratio.  It shows.  He's grumpy and unreasonable.

Henry was up last night with a low fever.  That's two nights in a row.  He's only up for a half hour or so and he has no fever in the daytime.  I'm slightly concerned about it, but he has a doctor's appointment tomorrow afternoon, so I'll ask about it then.

Chloe's teacher called on Monday to ask if we'd do a Valentine's Day class party instead of an end of the year party.  It's Wednesday, the party is tomorrow, and I only feel about 85% prepared.  I don't know if we enough activities to fill the time she'd like us to take.

I have eaten a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios, about 30 cinnamon lips, and half of a banana (I threw the other half away because it had a woody core...).  I could eat a 20 oz steak ...I need protein.  Of course, I haven't grocery shopped in nearly 3 weeks, so the pickings in the easily available, healthy proteins are very thin.  I am scrounging up whatever I can find for dinner lately.  Of course, I haven't come up with anything yet for tonight.  It will probably be hamburger patties and frozen vegetables.  I could grocery shop, but I haven't planned a menu for as many weeks and that always keeps me away from the grocery store.  

I'm shaky and tired from my poor diet and late night iPhone tutorials.

Cannon fell asleep on the way home from the gym and when I lifted the seat forward to carry him out (he is like dead weight), I see tater tots, straws, napkins, melted crayons, and more garbage than I can emotionally handle.  My van is a pig sty.

I felt for a moment that I wanted to hit fast forward to 15 years from now.  I just wanted to get out of this phase.  I rarely feel this way.  I love the phase we are in.  I am happy and fulfilled in nearly every way.  Having that moment of wishing it away scared me a little.
I have to remind myself that all of these circumstances are temporary.  They'll be gone tomorrow.  The house isn't as messy as it feels.  The laundry is caught up.  I sewed something today.  Chloe is so much better at managing her time and her bladder than she was a year ago...or even 6 months ago.  Lily has only forgotten her homework folder one other time this year.  Valentine's Day is tomorrow and the candy will be gone from Cannon's grasp in a few short days.  Brigham is just like his dad...and I love his dad.  The Valentine's Day party will be fine and it will be one less thing to worry about come May.  That will free my time so that I can focus on Brigham's class party at the end of the year...and maybe even make it to Lily's.  I've missed too many of hers.  I have plenty of food around to fix something healthy.  It won't be as good as I'm capable of, but it will work and how incredibly blessed am I that I can go 3 weeks without buying more than some milk and fruit and still have enough food to feed my family of 7 dinner every night? It's an odd birthday year for Chloe, which means that she only has a family party.  That relieves that stress.  And she's so easily pleased...she will be happy with whatever she receives on Sunday.  Oh, and things ended well before gym.  I got out and hugged both of the girls.  I admitted that most of the fault surrounding the after-school drama was mine.  I was the one who overreacted to everything that happened.  I gave Chloe the go-ahead to call me if she felt too tired or sick.  They both seemed happy and okay heading in.
These days are fleeting.  The bad ones are so infrequent.  I'm so happy in the life I live.  I love the people I live it with.  Stanton is good to me- we are in love with each other and as a bonus, we work together as a team pretty darn well.  My children are happy and fun and intelligent.  They have great social skills and so much to look forward to in life.

Isn't it odd to have so many good things, be able to recognize them, and still feel that pit in your heart?  A good dinner and a good night's sleep ought to help.  I'm looking forward to them tonight.

I found all of these images on Pinterest.  I didn't take the time to find their original sources, although they are all linked on my Good Words Pinterest board.  Thanks to the talented people who come up with these things.   

Our InstaLife

There is just something so convenient about the cell phone camera.  I should probably update to the iPhone 5 so my pictures will be higher quality.  I find that I don't lug out the big camera much on a day to day basis anymore.  I'm sure I will regret it one day.  It's just nice to have the camera right there in my pocket and even nicer is that I don't have to go through the whole uploading rigamarole.  I love that everything is just automatically updated on my photo stream. 
In addition to that, I quit using Facebook on January 1st of this year (note:  the only resolution I've kept - ha!), so Instagram is my only social media connection with friends.  I love that.  And since I'm definitely a communicator, my Instagram feed is frequently updated. 

Here are several collages of our day to day life around the Allen household.

 Charlie has hated the snow this year.  It's been very frustrating (ie:  pooping in the basement instead).  We've solved the problem and it only happened for a couple of days, but man oh man, that was plenty!
Henry had a fever and it was really sad.
Cannon the pirate.  He got those underwear for Christmas and I love them.  So much.
He made his own pirate eye patch one morning.  I am pretty sure Cannon thinks that if he had enough tape, he could rule the world.  It's his solution for everything.

 Whoops, just noticed a duplicate in here.  We do laundry every day around here.  Putting their small stack away is one of the kids' daily duties.  It keeps us all sane.  Mondays, however, always rock our world because Friday night's, Saturday's, and Sunday's laundry all seem to take a back seat to whatever weekend plans we have.  This particular Monday, Chloe had a stack that was taller than her head.  It was funny.

Brigham upset at Pizza Pie Cafe.  He couldn't go with Dad to get dished up or something.  I wish I had taken a picture of that evening.  The girls had just finished a back handspring clinic and were in their leotards (and no pants or t-shirts over them) and snow boots.  Brigham was in his ninja costume.  Cannon and Henry were in pajama-type clothes.  And we were at a restaurant.  It's how we roll.

The kids had Martin Luther King, Jr. day off a few weeks back.  Brigham asked if they would still have to do jobs.  I said of course they would.  Brigham then reminded me that "But Mom!  Martin Luther King made us free, so we shouldn't have to do work today!"  While his history is possibly a bit skewed :), I had to agree.  They didn't have to get going with their chores till much later in the day.  It was a treat to see them all playing together....even if it was on the dining room table.

That same weekend, Chloe found these matroyska dolls in my craft stash.  I took a deep breath, helped her get a painting station set up, and she had a ball painting them.  I have to remind myself that she is old enough to do things like that on her own.  I have a hard time accepting it!!!

 Mr. Henry -- the star of our life.  Stanton and I both love our snuggle time with him.  And he turned 6 months old this week!  I have no idea how that many months have passed since he joined our family.  Unreal.

 Food adventures.  A spring mix salad with marinated potatoes and chicken, green smoothie mustaches, ice cream with (the best ever in the world...ever...for real) hot fudge, a carby dinner:  noodles, cheese, & parsley.  It was yummy, but so not healthy.  And finally, I was cooking quinoa in my rice cooker and knocked a bunch of spice jars right into the pot.  Funny.  Gross.

 Henry with his Day twin -- Nate.  Nate left for the MTC this week.  TEARS.  It will be fun to take a picture of them together in 2 years.  Henry will look so different!!

 Currently being read and enjoyed in our house:  the Anne of Green Gables series.  Some favorite quotes from Anne of Ingleside (I had to take pictures because this one is a loan from the library - not available on kindle!). 
*"Susan...are babies very expensive?"  "Some folks think they are luxuries, but at Ingleside, we think they are necessities."
*"Mummy," said Walter..."I think we are a very nice family, don't you?"  A very nice family, Anne reflected happily as she lay in her bed, with the baby beside her.  Soon she would be about with them again, light-footed as of yore, loving them, teaching them, comforting them.  They would be coming to her with their little joys and sorrows, their budding hopes, their new fears, their little problems that seemed so big to them and their little heart-breaks that seemed so bitter.  She would hold all the threads of the Ingleside life in her hands again to weave into a tapestry of beauty."
*when asked if she ever wrote anymore,  "'Not altogether...but I'm writing living epistles now,'" said Anne, thinking of Jem (her oldest son) and Co."
*"They were all growing so fast.  In just a few short years they would be all young men and women...youth tiptoe...expectant...a-star with its sweet wild dreams...little ships sailing out of safe harbour to unknown ports.  The boys would go away to their life work and the girls...ah, the mist-veiled forms of beautiful brides might be seen coming down the old stairs at Ingleside.  But they would be still hers for a few years yet...hers to love and guide...to sing the songs that so many mothers had sung.  Hers...and Gilbert's."
* (oops, took 2 pictures of the same page)

Anne of Ingleside (not the cover pictured above) is the book about Anne as a young mother.  My heart was full the entire reading of this book.  I related to her in so many ways.  I want to be like her in so many others.  I find myself, without any conscious effort, asking myself throughout my day, "What would Anne do in this situation?" 

*I snapped this little vignette of Chloe's nightstand the other morning.  I just thought it was everything I could ever hope for my almost 9-year old to have at her bedside.

*Chloe is currently reading the young reader version (you know those Illustrated Classics books??) of Anne of Green Gables.  She has fallen in love with Anne, too, and it makes me SO happy!  Lily has read about 1/4 of the book, too.

 Keeping it real-type stuff.
*Messy desk in the office....this was the very last stage of my major clean-out, dejunk, reorganize project.  All the stuff that didn't have an official home.
*Giant zits on my chin.  They hurt and they bleed and they refuse to be covered up.  I'm trying a new face care method -- washing my face with castor & jojoba oils.  It's working.  Dry skin is my acne nemesis.
*Finishing homework in the morning while doing hair.  We try to get homework done right after school, but every once in a while it gets the best of us.
*You can't see it well, but Cannon had a huge sore on his nose from the awful virus he had.
*This picture was taken in the middle of the night.  He woke up with a painful ear infection (my sweet Cannon has had too much trouble with those ears).   The most heart-breaking words a mother can here, I think, are "Mommy, I hurt."  Antibiotics are miracle drugs and I'm so thankful for them.
*Aack!  Another duplicate!  I obviously threw these into collages late at night!

 Cutest little ones.  Cannon, Rachel Chandler (we loved tending her for a couple of hours!), and Henry, who rolled himself stuck into the banister.  I'm so thankful he did, though!  Look how close he came to the stairs of death?!  The gate is up now.  Oh, and the duct tape line is a temporary balance beam for practicing.

Oh brother, I did it again.  Duplicates.
*Matroyska dolls.
*Valentines!  The kids all did cute ones this year:  Chloe gave a ruler that said, "Valentine, you RULE!"  Lily gave bags of chips that said, "Valentine, you're all that and a bag of chips!"  Brigham gave Whoopee Cushions that said, "Whoopee!  It's Valentine's Day!"  and Cannon gave boxes of cereal that said, "Valentine, I cerealsly like you!"  All cute and fun.  They cost a bit more than giving candy, but I like that the kids get creative and have a little fun with their valentines.
*Just a cute shot of Chloe at her meet.



There ya go...our InstaLife.  I am in love with it. 

USU Invitational Gymnastics Meet

 I think I've probably called Chloe's last 5 meets her first "official" meet.  I didn't know what I was talking about.  The first one was their team tryout.  The second was a (very) pre-season meet (in Wyoming), and the others have been intra-squad meets with just her team.  This one today was her really first official meet of the competitive season.  It was here in town at the university (oh, how I wish all of them were that close by!!!) and it was a blast, even if it was insanely long again.

Chloe has not had a great week at the gym.  She's been stressed about competition and has been so tightly wound, I've worried she would snap.  She's been doing poorly in practice and facing a tremendous mental block that has been a huge challenge.  We've prayed and cheered and pep-talked and tried to just listen, too.  I struggle with that one - I just want to fix every little problem that comes our way.

We had a great chat on Thursday night (her worst practice maybe ever) about bows and arrows.  We talked about how when you shoot an arrow, you have to pull it back -- further away from it's goal -- and then just let go in order for the arrow to go as far as it can.  The pull-back is a really important part of the process.  We discussed how this bad week might just be a pull-back time and that if she can just let go, she'll fly forward.  For whatever reason, it clicked with her.  She went to her practice on Friday night and had fun - something she hadn't been having all week.  She was nervous for her meet this morning, but was confident and excited.  Stanton gave her a Father's blessing and that really helped her calm her nerves.

We got to the HPER building on campus and waited for an hour or so to warm up and march in...then it was time to begin!  Whew!  Chloe had such a great meet!!!  She actually looked like she was enjoying every second and that was so fun to see.  She 'let go' and flew forward.  Such a neat moment as a parent to watch someone you love so much do their best and love every minute of it.

She ended up doing well in the competition, too, which was icing on the cake.  She took silver in vault, 4th on beam and floor, and 4th all around.  She has room for improvement in all of them, especially on bars.  Scores this meet were Bars: 7.3, Beam: 8.4, Floor: 8.475, and Vault: 9.2.  All Around:  33.375 (out of 40).  She'll get there and definitely had a great meet to motivate her to work even harder!  I'm so proud of her -- yes for the medals, but not as much for those --- there's very little she can do to control those -- how can she control the other gymnasts?  No, more for her personal hard work and willingness to push through something that has been challenging for a bit.  She overcame her personal fears and allowed herself to do her best.  That is a proud moment for me!

For my awesome mom and dad, who drove halfway down to Logan before turning back because the roads were so terrible, I'm putting the video up here.  The video is beyond terrible.  My real video camera's battery is dead, of course.  We missed you both!  Chloe was so happy Grandma Judy was able to come watch.  She missed you, Mom and Dad!

Make a video - it's fun, easy and free!
www.onetruemedia.com

I Get Obsessed. It's True.

Stanton and I both have a funny personality trait.  We get really obsessed with a particular hobby or activity for a period of time.  It's all we think about.  All we want to spend our time doing.

Right now, my obsession is sewing.  We recently cleaned out and organized our office/craft room.  I had had my half organized for making cards and paper crafting -- that stuff was all easily accessible.  Well, that obsession ended about 2 years ago!  I didn't enjoy coming in and doing other things in here because it was a pain to get all the sewing stuff out and put it away.  As I was cleaning out and de-junking I had one of those great epiphanies and didn't just declutter - I reorganized it so that my sewing stuff was the easily accessible stuff.  Whew!  What a difference that made!  In the two weeks since then, I think I've sewn something every single day.  It's such a great rewarding hobby.  I'm loving it.

I haven't taken pictures of every single thing, but here are a few!

 Valentine's Day outfits for Lily & Chloe (and several other simple skirts in different fabrics).

 Loving this patchwork heart applique!!!  Idea and directions HERE.  Cute matching headbands with several of the skirts.

 This refashion of an old t-shirt.  Definitely not my favorite project - I'm not thrilled with how it turned out...but I didn't have enough fabric to gather it as much as it needed to be gathered, so you do what you can, right?!  Cutest model!

 One of my favorite projects because I really just had to figure it out on my own.  I really exercised my brain on this one.  Love that!  Especially when it works out!

 The 'bapron' in a waterproof/absorbent PUL fabric.  And the cutest baby in the whole world.

Valentine's pennant banner.  Another "wing it" project.  I love when those work out!

 I was feeling pretty proud of myself over this one.  I finished a spool of thread!!!  My comment on Instagram was that this seems like the sewing equivalent of finishing a tube of chapstick.  It never happens!  (at least not to me)  It was a big accomplishment.  Ha!

This duffel bag is another project I'm pleased with.  It was a challenge and I actually had to use pi.  How crazy is that?!  I love that it's lined.  I love that the yellow zipper is from my Grandma Johnson's sewing stash that she gifted to me a few years ago.  I love that connection to her.  Those handles took longer than the rest of the project combined.  I wanted to curse a few times.  They turned out in the end, though.  Phew!  Chloe loved taking this to her gymnastics meet today.  :)

I've also sewn some envelope pillow covers (fun and simple!), key chains (not my favorite), blankets and pillow cases (these were at Christmas-time - not officially during this obsession), helped Chloe sew a cute heart shaped pillow that she designed, and helped Lily make matching skirts for her and her Journey Girl doll, a car seat blanket for Henry  (a la THIS tutorial), and an infinity scarf.  There have been a LOT of projects.  I find sewing to be really fulfilling.  I can see the end result and it lasts much longer than clean dishes or folded laundry.  I still get those done, but it's nice to have a hobby whose results last a bit longer!  Thanks to Pinterest, there will be a lot more to come. 

It's cute - the kids have loved seeing me do this, too.  Interesting - I would have thought that it would drive them nuts.  They like seeing me accomplish something, though.  I think the every day things that I do just to maintain status quo in our home are harder for them to see and measure - maybe that's why they've liked this so much.  Chloe told me the other day that I should open a store where I sold the things I made.  She promised that she'd watch the kids so I could do that.  What a cutie!  I promised her that I was really happy in my chosen profession of motherhood and that I'd keep enjoying this as a hobby.  :)  I appreciated her confidence in me, though!

All of this has been done on my 10 year old machine that is currently being held together with duct tape.  :)