On Motherhood

A friend in our ward is speaking in Sacrament Meeting on Sunday and asked me, as well as a few other mothers, to share our joys and frustrations as mothers with him.  I thought I'd put my thoughts here, too.

As far as the frustrations of motherhood, they are many.  They vary from day to day:  the school mornings that feel like cat-herding, the times when I'm tired and my temper is on edge and the kids seem to want to push it even harder as a result, the piano practices where I end up fighting or yelling with my kids, the endless dishes (for which there rarely seems to be any voluntary help!), the laundry, the supervising of chores, just the daily life things that seem like you're a hamster in a wheel, never accomplishing much more than maintaining status quo.  There are many times where I wonder if what I am trying to teach my children (ie: the piano practice, the chores, the personal responsibility, etc) are ever going to have a real impact or if they'll just remember that I was always on their case.  I struggle with knowing how to balance the "good" of having high expectations for my children with the negative of unrealistic expectations.  I yell too much, that I know for sure. 

And yet, as I list all of that, it pales compared to the "moments."  That's what I call those little times where I catch a glimpse of what heaven must be like.  The kids are all playing school together (Lily loves to be the teacher), or Chloe will take a minute when Cannon is having a fit and convince him in some fun way to do what he's been asked to do.  There are the times when they spontaneously sit down at the piano and either make up something on their own or plunk out a song they have memorized because we've gone over it so many darn times.  There are the drawings and notes from Brigham, "Mom, you're the best mom ever" written in his unique Kindergarten way.  There are the snuggles in our bed in the morning.  There are the endless creative things the boys make with cardboard after they've spontaneously chosen to turn off the TV.  There are the rare times at dinner where everyone will eat their meal without complaint and someone might even clear their dish without being asked.  There is family scripture study where we'll occasionally, but more frequently lately, have real discussions about the scriptures and how they can help us in our family life.  There are the big moments, too.  Talks in Primary, baptisms, piano recitals, school presentations, etc.  Those often help me see the bigger picture that, yes, at least some of the things we're trying to teach are paying off.  Some of my favorite moments are when I'll be in the yard working and we'll have a spontaneous discussion about a Gospel principle.  I love to see little Cannon carefully bringing in an egg from the chickens and giving me a dirty-faced kiss to go along with it. 
Each of my children has inherited some of my worst weaknesses and some of my better strengths.  My heart aches when I see them struggle with things that I blame myself for.  But oh, how wonderful it is to see them grasp something new and good and hold on to it!  There are many a moment where I feel on the verge of tears because of my failures, but in those times, I really try to remember that  every moment as a mother is a teaching moment.  That helps me to at least try to convey that I am happy to be the mother of this family and find much more joy than frustration in that role.  And it's true.  I do.